Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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