I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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