i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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