If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
