Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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