He kissed a someone with a penis
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is the high leading the old right now
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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