found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
