i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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