too bad you live with your parents still
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
