I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
