Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
