So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
