12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
