i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
