i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
