Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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