I smell stomach acid.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
