I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
