How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
