as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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