Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
