your thong is hanging out like whoa
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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