just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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