Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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