nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You ate ashes out of my bong
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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