I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
