we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
