My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I will pee on everything he values.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
