there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
