I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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