I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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