pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
