Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have fence marks all over my body
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
