The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
