...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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