I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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