I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
