good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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