We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We're too hungover to prance.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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