Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
