OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
