I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
