and you said cock pushups were impossible
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Never joke about your clitoris.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
