So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
