It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
