I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
