Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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