My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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