i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
