He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
