A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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