If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
